I keep writing blog posts, then deleting them before posting...that "Publish Post" button sure gets intimidating! I know it's been quite a while since I last posted, but I'm back!
To make a long story short, I have post-partum depression. I've been in a funk since October / November, and I just haven't been able to get out of it. I finally made an appointment with my doctor a couple weeks ago, since ignoring the problem was obviously not working for me.
So far, this seems so different than any other bout of depression I"ve gone through. The other times, I knew what was "causing" it, I knew exactly what the problem was. I was either having trouble dealing with old memories, or I had trouble with communication, or I had a ton of built up resentment, or I was overwhelmed and about to snap, etc. But this time is just...different. I know my emotional limits, and I can honestly say that there's nothing going on in my life right now that is more than I can handle. If there was an obvious "problem", I could identify it, make some changes, fix things. But there have been no obvious problems. Nothing was "wrong", yet I've felt so lost / down / angry / sad / empty / confused / depressed for so long.
So...I'm getting help. I want this funk to be gone. And I want to be "me" again. Journaling (blogging) is like free therapy to me, so if I can get past the "Publish Post" button, I should be posting more over the coming months as I work myself back to "normal."
I'm also working to "fix" me physically. I had a physical (first one since high school I think...oops!), and I'm getting a few wonky medical things looked into. And I've been working on losing some weight. In February, I was 36 pounds more than I was before kids (I held on to an extra 10-15 pounds with each kid...so after three kids, it wasn't pretty!). Based on those BMI charts, I had crossed the line to being "obese" by 3 pounds, and that really didn't sit well with me. As of this morning, I've lost 13 pounds and two pants sizes. I've still got 23 pounds to go till I'm back at my pre-kids weight, and I'm sure it will be a long process, but I'm glad to be finally taking a step in the right direction.
So, that's it for today. And I'm really going to click "Publish Post" this time! Well, I think I am. Maybe.
Ready...
Set...
*Click*!
Yikes...lol.
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